Emotions with the Ocean.
The ocean is fascinating to me. It harbors so many emotions on any given day, and no matter what I’m feeling, the ocean always feels in sync with my state of mind. More so, it can always pull me from whatever mindset I’m in and reset me.
Life has been, well, tough these last couple of months. I’m not especially good at opening up when things inside get hard, and I can usually reset fairly easily by powering up my laptop and pouring my thoughts onto paper (er…a computer…). But this time it just hasn’t been happening. This blog has gone through a lull because of it, and I think my overall state of mind has suffered severely from my inability to figure out this tangled mess of words that need to be released.
Among a slew of other personal things that have been going on in life, my father-in-law passed away seven weeks ago. To understand the depths of that void, you have to understand at least a little about him. While some people can be considered a solid ground, he was the solid ground. He was the constant in a world of uncertainties; he was my husband’s best friend. He never spoke of his successes, but he impacted thousands of lives just by being him. He was never too busy to help, and no matter the time or request, he never sounded inconvenienced. He was a teacher by nature, and his family values led his heart. His name could be written next to the word “patient” as the sole definition in the dictionary.
Three days before he passed away, I was walking on a beach in South Carolina. I do this weird thing when I’m by the ocean alone where I have a sort of mental conversation with it (I swear I’m not a total crazy person). I remember thinking that I felt so connected with the ocean because it holds all the emotions we hold as people, and expresses them as needed.
Some mornings on the beach possess an incredible calm. When the ocean is still and mostly flat, it looks so peaceful. But underneath that calm surface is still a body filled with undercurrents and uncertainty, just like our everyday lives. Walking out to the ocean on a calm morning, I take solace in the fact that even such a large piece of nature can cover it’s underlying emotions when the circumstances are right.
On the other side of things the ocean can be a nasty place when it’s angry. When it’s pushed and prodded by wind and storms, it rears a side that nobody wants to mess with.
And on a standard day the waves come in, readable and steady in pattern, allowing the people who have taken the time to understand and trust it to capitalize on its personality through an assortment of water sports. The ocean is no different than me, and probably no different than you.
The ocean makes me feel something that nothing else can. It allows me to feel fully and freely. It offers to take my emotions, my fears, my uncertainties, back out to sea with each returning wave.
Here’s to my return to writing and connecting. Thanks to all of you out there who have been extremely patient through my absence, to the many of you I’ve never met who have sent emails of concern and encouragement. The journey with this blog has been such a humbling experience for me; to learn about all the amazing people there are in the world who will love and support you even knowing nothing about you other than written word. You all are my rocks and I’ll commit my time back to you. Love to all…